It is not Father’s day or anything…but everyday feels like Father’s day because no day passes by without me remembering you especially in my quiet moments. Sometimes, the feeling comes on so intensely and I find myself tearing up even in inappropriate places. It has been almost 20 years, yet it feels like yesterday. Your teaching and guidance has helped me in more ways than you could ever have imagined.
I find myself able to face anything life throws at me simply because I had you as my dad. All I have to do is reach into the pool of knowledge you passed on to me and I would find that the answer I was looking for, was right in front of me. I talk about social capital so often, but what most people don’t know is that you taught and showed me so much about it even before it became a thing. I find myself writing about something else and before I know it, it ultimately leads back to you again. You taught me how to show kindness but you also taught me how to be kind to myself by staying far away from those that are unkind to me.
I must admit I am not as brash as you in this aspect. Mallam will tell you if you intentionally go out of your way to sabotage him or hurt him – “Salam alaekum, léyìn sálámò àbí good morning tá bá pàdé…dákun má dé òdò mi mó tí àlìkìámò Olóhun ó fi dé.” (Salam alaekum, after the basic greeting when we meet, please don’t ever seek me out again till the day of judgement.) Why so harsh? Lol
It has been almost twenty years daddy. Yet, I find myself recalling all our conversations like we just had them yesterday. I no longer wear ‘mini skirt’ and I cover my head now. I remember your comments..”Àjoké, o tún ti lo wo àwon kiní jánpé jánpé yìí. Omo mùsùlùmí ò kín múra báyíì. Óyá, jé ká bèrè látibi scarf àti skirt jánpéjánpé yìí” (Ajoke, you have gone to wear these tiny things again. Islam has a prescribed way of dressing. Let’s start with the scarf and let’s see if we can wear longer skirts).
I still listen to Obesere at times just because you listened to it but I have to admit I’m more inclined to Saheed Osupa. That his Reliable album was superb.
I wear those two colors you didn’t like so often now. Your fears were unfounded daddy. Don’t worry, red and black is not the mark of evil like we were made to believe. And you taught me how to pray already – the right way. So, I know God’s got me even when people plot evil against me…I will come out unscathed.
I am writing more now Daddy. Social media has given me such a great platform to write. And writing what I love. Sharing a lot of what you taught me. I’m even writing a book about you (can you beat that?) I remember how you fed my voracious appetite for words by learning one new word from the dictionary everyday and using that word in sentences throughout the day. My first son is exactly like me. O le fi questions pa yan (He can ask questions till you drop).
When people ask me how I live life like a child, how I have such great relationships, how I love to teach so much – I smile to myself. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I am afterall, my Father’s daughter.
I can’t believe I don’t have any great pictures of you and I together. The only one I had for a long time (and even that one is damaged now) was during my secondary school graduation and we were both frowning grumpily in the picture–so that doesn’t count. I recall you were upset about something mum did and I was upset with the two of you.
I guess I always felt you were invincible and I took it for granted that you’ll always be with us. And even though you talked about death ever so often, I never thought it would come close to the formidable Mallam Idris Gold. How wrong I was! Something changed in me that day, and till now, I live each day like my possible last one on earth.
I like to think you are looking out for me from over there. My best friend used to tell me that you were probably watching over me like a hawk. Anytime we were broke in school, one of your brothers would come just in time to refill our accounts again. It happened so many times than I can remember. She’d look at me with a grin on her face and a knowing look that said, “I told you your dad would send someone!”
Mama has done such a good job with us since you left. She has been all that you predicted and much more. Sometimes, I look at her and wonder how she is able to do it all. I guess you already knew she was more than capable. I recall you used to say, “Olóhun, má tú àsírí mi láyé, májékí Àbèké fimí lè s’áyé yíí lo. Tí Àbèké bá ma kú lóla, k’émì kú lòní (Dear Lord, don’t ever put me to shame. If Abeke will die tomorrow, let me die a day before that). Mum and I are so close now too. Can you believe it? You know how I was more inclined to you than mummy.
Thank you for equipping me with the stamina and strength to be a good ‘esinwájú’ (lead horse) for my younger ones. It was tough and I just had to become an adult overnight. They sometimes think I’m the WWW (Wicked Witch of the West), but Abass jokingly says it that God didn’t want our family to fall apart and that’s why he made me the first child as he probably wouldn’t have been able to handle the responsibilities.
Abass is so much like you physically now (except for the early onset of balding) but his heart is all from his mama. I am so much like Mama physically but my heart is a healthy balance of Mama and you. Oh, you would have loved Khadijah! She’s every inch like you physically, heart and mind. When I look at her, I marvel at how nature has a way of showing us our genealogy. She even has a lisp when she pronounces some words just like you.
I like to think you would be proud of the woman I’ve become. I know you would look at me and say, Àjoké nìyen…omo Ìdrìsíyà! (That’s Ajoke, Idris’s daughter!)
I miss those cards you used to write me. Nobody else does it like you. I miss the way you used to talk about me so fondly with your eyes glowing with pride. We all miss you so much and when I remember that dark February night, I almost wish I could turn back the hands of time. But like you always said – “when it is time…it is time.” I don’t dream about you as often again daddy, but I really don’t need to. You are ALWAYS on my mind.
Life gave me the best gift of all. Great parents and a good family. It has been almost twenty years, but I know I’ll forever be a daddy’s girl no matter how old I get. I am consoled that we had such beautiful memories together. They’ll keep me going strong till Allah (SWT) unites us in Jannah.
Always and forever. Your Àjoké.
Featured quote image – Country Living Magazine via Google images